I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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