one might say we're banned from that church
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
