just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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