Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
