Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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