thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Randomize
