Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
