I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
