she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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