If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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