I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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