We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
