my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
