people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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