You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
