No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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