During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
