omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
