Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
