I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
