you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
