are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
