so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
