i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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