He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
