So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
