genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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