She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
