my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
