There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
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