Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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