At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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