did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Randomize
