I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
