I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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