You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
