I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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