His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We left the knife in your bed.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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