is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
