I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
