so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
In America we eat man semen.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
