dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
