4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
