trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize