Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
