i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
