Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
