I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
