i think my tv is drunk
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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