oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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