I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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