I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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