shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
