I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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